The Matter of Feelings
by Red-Cherry-Flowers
Summary: Well I have no idea what to write for a summary at the moment but it's JohnxCameron so please read!
1. John and Sarah

**Hi, I'm new to this category so this is my first TSCC. I've only seen two eps I think, so this doesn't really have a setting at the moment. It's just a story that popped into my head and I felt I had to write it! So please enjoy everyone!! **

**Disclaimer: I have no idea who owns the TV show or the movies but I don't, just this idea! **

John watched as she turned from the kitchen window. Her cream white skin set a fire from the bright sunlight beams that hit her. Her dark hair glowed as the highlights in her hair stood out. Her beautiful face shone and John couldn't tear his eyes away from the sight.

He had been sitting at the kitchen table with his books open in front of him. He had looked up to ask Cameron a question when he had caught the sight of her and all questions in his mind drained away instantly.

She looked like an angel. How could anything so beautiful be so dangerous? Such an easy killer?

Her chocolate eyes suddenly met his green ones and John hastily dropped his gaze back to his workbook, his head still full of her.

"Is it Math?" her voice was her usual monotone. John swallowed before saying, "No, I mean yes. It's Math."

He kept his eyes on the page, hoping that she would look away from him; the shivers ran up and down his spine. This always happened when she watched him.

"Your cheeks are pink and your heart rate has increased by 3.52 seconds," said Cameron suddenly standing opposite him at the table. John looked up at her as she cocked her head, "Are you ill?"

"Er…no," said John, silently cursing himself. He should have known she would suspect something even if it wasn't in the human way of it, "It's just the Math."

Cameron stared at him for a moment before sitting down at the table next to him and saying bluntly, "I cannot do it for you."

John rolled his eyes, "So my mother says."

There was a pause of silence. John felt restless; he wondered if Cameron could feel the awkwardness starting to surround them in a soft trickle like honey.

No, he answered his own thoughts; she couldn't feel so much as a figure prodding her let alone a human feeling.

"Today," said Cameron suddenly, "I heard some girls talking about it."

Thankful for some conversation between them and a distraction from his Math homework John looked at her again, "About what?"

Cameron paused for a moment; a strange look came and went from her face so fast that John was sure he had imagined it completely. She looked to John, for at least half a second, almost _hurt_.

"Love," replied Cameron, "what does it mean?"

"Love?" John stared at her for a moment in disbelief before shaking his head a little, "It's too hard to explain."

"But you always know how to," said Cameron watching him. John returned her stare for a moment before hesitating. How could the whole idea of love be described to a terminator that could feel nothing? He knew she was curious, hungry to learn the human ways of life but he didn't feel comfortable trying to explain the theory of love, especially not to Cameron.

He settled with, "well, what does your files say about it?"

"A strong or warm feeling, sexual desire, strong liking, to have feelings of deep passion for," Cameron said instantly sounding as if she were reciting it after having learnt it off-by-heart, "I read it in the dictionary."

"Figures," muttered John before returning his voice to normal volume, "You know what it means then."

"But there are other concepts of love," said Cameron, sounding like she was pondering the matter, "you could say something is loveable."

"Yes," John agreed, "or lovely. It's all got to do with the English Language Cameron."

"Lovely?" said Cameron, "what's lovely?"

"You know," said John, "lovely. Like you could say, flowers are lovely or something like that."

"Flowers are lovely," recited Cameron. John felt the corner of his lips lift upwards slightly. There was another pause of silence as John scribbled an answer on his page.

"John?"

He didn't look up, "Yeah?"

"Do you think I'm lovely?"

John's pen stopped in mid formation of the number twenty-eight. His mind began to spin in overdrive at the realization of what Cameron was asking sunk into him. He slowly looked up at her.

Cameron sat silently gazing at him, her chocolate eyes wide and innocent looking. To Cameron her question seemed as simple as "What did you have for breakfast?" John could see she seriously did not find her question embarrassing in the slightest, but then again, Cameron felt no shame in walking around the house wearing only underwear and a bra, so John wasn't surprised. However, that did not stop his stomach twisting and a tightened in his chest to develop.

Could he possibly lie to her? Would she even know the difference? What would it mean to her if he lied or told the truth? Was she even programmed to lie herself?

"Yes," said John adverting his eyes back to his page, he could feel the colour begin to darken his cheeks again, "I suppose you are."

Although he felt embarrassed by the whole conversation he couldn't help but raise his eyes to see Cameron's reaction. She gave him a true and genuine smile, her deep chocolate eyes shining. At that moment John didn't care how much his mother's voice in his head shouted at him of what species Cameron was, all he cared about was how true and real that smile of hers was. John felt a warm flush his entire body at knowing she understood the meaning of his answer and he smiled lightly at back.

The front door suddenly slammed making John jump and bury his head over his books again.

"Your mother is home," said Cameron, her monotone back into place. She was a machine again.

John felt the grip on his pen tighten. He didn't even want to imagine Sarah's face if she had heard what he had told Cameron. She'd properly feel disgusted; disbelief at the idea that the famous John Connor, her son, would fall in love with a robot; a robot from a race that had murdered his own father and that he was destined to destroy.

John felt a bitter laugh rising in his throat. It sounded like a twisted and sick version of Romeo and Juliet!

"Hey," Sarah entered the kitchen, "How was school?"

"Yeah it was okay," said John shrugging, "No shooting, screaming or running, just another boring school day."

Sarah gave her son a meaningful look out the corner of her eye as she kissed the top of his head before she turned to Cameron, "I had a call about you today. From your school therapist, you need to stop acting like a seriously anti-social and disturbed girl; it draws attention to us that we don't need."

"I am trying," said Cameron

"Well try not to 'try' in a terminator way," said Sarah as she filled a glass of water.

Cameron remained silent as John felt the tightness in his chest increase. Why couldn't his mother just see Cameron differently from death? She had done nothing but protect him since they had met her back in New Mexico. She was his guardian angel; a very dangerous guardian angel.

Cameron stood gracefully from the table and walked around it as if to leave the room but she stopped right in front of Sarah and gazed at her. Sarah's brow creased as she swallowed some water before saying, "What?"

John just had time to look up from his workbook as Cameron paused before she told Sarah bluntly, "John says I'm lovely."

John felt his stomach disappear at her words. It took Sarah a moment to understand what Cameron had said to her and when she did she looked ready to either slap Cameron or shoot her into oblivion.

Unbeknown of what impact her words would have Cameron silently left the room leaving behind her a very heavily silence. Sarah stared at Cameron as she left and then turned her eyes to John accusingly. John swallowed the knot that was forming in his throat.

He shifted under his mother's gaze, feeling extremely uncomfortable, and when Sarah spoke her voice was dry, "She's a machine John."

"I know," said John instantly, his own voice tight and sounding unfamiliar to his own ears. If he had been embarrassed before by Cameron's question he was defiantly embarrassed now, he could practically feel the blood under his skin boil.

"She has no soul and she never will," Sarah said not taking her eyes off her son, "She's not human John!"

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Sarah glanced at her watch. It read fifteen past two in the morning. There had been many sleepless nights Sarah Connor had had since meeting Kyle Reese. But tonight was properly the most terrifying then any nightmares she had encountered. This was real. The machine's words rang in her head like a broken record, _John says I'm lovely._

John was a sixteen-year-old boy and Sarah could not deny the machine was attractive. She had known of John's fascination and interest in her since day one. And the machine wasn't even a _her_, it was an it!

But it didn't really worry her how attractive John would find the machine's looks; it was his attraction to her computerized personality that scared Sarah. He was developing an attachment to the machine that went beyond any teenage boy's interests.

She remembered the terminator that John and named "Uncle Bob" and taught him those human traits, she had watched him interact with the machine like it was family to him. She could understand why John would trust Cameron; he had never really seen a terminator as death or destruction, at least not one that was supposed to be on their side. And everyday she watched as John and Cameron transformed before her eyes. She watched as John became more fascinated and trusting of Cameron and Cameron learning more about the human ways of life from John.

Sarah knew John tried to hide it from her. He was no longer a child; he was growing older and was becoming less willing and comfortable with telling her things. But Sarah would catch the smiles John would give the machine when her naïve innocence surfaced and the way he would look at her sometimes when he thought his mother other machine weren't looking, as if he had never uncounted anything like her before. As if her simply being there amazed him.

It made Sarah feel slightly disguised to even think John might be falling for the thing. She sometimes wondered what the two of them got up to when they were at school or if they were alone together with her not around. It was not like she didn't trust John; it was the machine Sarah was skeptical about.

But surely she had nothing to worry about? How far could John go with the machine if something _did_ happen? It was not like the machine would fall pregnant; it was just that after all, a machine. The idea was against reality, it wasn't even possible.

But yet, thought Sarah, wasn't John's conception, his birth, his actual being against all reality? His father hadn't even born yet when she had met Kyle. Wasn't this whole war of the machines destroying humanity sounding crazy? Wasn't that why John had been taken from her as a child and she was sent to a psychotic ward? Even though it was all true, to an average person it would sound ridiculous, Sarah had at first doubted it herself. The idea of John with the machine was inane too, yet what if it was true? What if someday…?

Frustrated Sarah pushed the covers of her bed back. Her thoughts and doubts could go on forever. Sitting up she ran her fingers through her dark hair and sighed. She climbed out of bed and made her way from her room and down the dark hallway to John's room. The machine was most likely lurking somewhere but Sarah didn't care about it at the moment.

Softly Sarah opened John's door an inch and peered inside. Her son was sleeping silently in his bed. A small smile came to Sarah's lips. When John was younger she would sit awake at his side and watch him sleep. It was the only time she watched him be untroubled by the future. But as he would get older, the innocent peacefulness that Sarah enjoyed sometimes evaporated and he would wake so suddenly from a nightmare which he would never share with her.

Tonight, however, he was a soundless boy. Sarah sat down at John's desk and gazed at his young face. She smiled and leaned forward and brushed a few strands off his forehead. Leaning back in the chair she knew what she had to do. She would protect John for as long as she had to, even against Cameron, for his own sake.

**How was that? I hope it was okay!! Anyway, please, please review and tell me what you think! I may not be sure when I'll update next because I was planning on having a setting on this story but I first gotta realise what actually is happening in the show (I missed the Pilot and the Episode where John gets separated from Sarah and Cameron and there's a truck or something like that), and I'm a little confused at the moment, but it'll come, I promise!**


	2. Cameron

Cameron's bare feet didn't make a single noise against the old floorboards

**Hi everyone! Wow, such support from you all! I'm really surprised from all the reviews in just the first chapter! Thank-you so much for the encouragement, I really appreciate it! **

**Okay, well I've figured out a setting for this story so far, chapters 1 and 2 will be set before "The Tuck" but chapter 3 will have a different from another stage. **

**I found writing this chapter really hard and I'm still not completely satisfied with it but I didn't know how to improve it any more. Most of the chapter is from Cameron's POV and I found it very hard to write from her view but I hope that you all enjoy this chapter and please, please review for me!! :) **

Cameron's bare feet didn't make a single noise against the old floorboards. First her toes would touch the floor, then the ball, arch and finally the heel. The pattern of this movement was repeated again and again. Her brown eyes scanned every inch of the dark halls, rooms and outside areas; forever pacing.

She past Sarah Conner's room, the door was open and the bed covers of the bed were pushed back and the human was missing. Cameron scanned the room but no Sarah Conner. She turned silently from the room and moved forward down the hallway and she stopped at what she processed.

The door of John Conner's room was open. She knew John never left his door open like that, an instant red light went off in her; _Possible Threat Alert_. Moving silently forward and pulling out a pistol from her holster at her leg she inched around the doorframe of John's door, pistol raised but then paused again.

Sarah Conner sat in John Conner's chair at his desk. She was watching John with a small smile on her face. Cameron lowered her pistol a few inches but remained silent. John was asleep but Cameron was watching Sarah; the expression on her face.

Cameron couldn't process it, this human emotion. It wasn't in any of her files. Cameron frowned, her eyes narrowing. What was this soul sentiment? Cameron studied the lines of Sarah's face, it was soft and…Cameron didn't know. It bothered her not to know what this emotion was; it might be some sort of hazard emotion.

At the impulse Cameron raised the pistol again and aimed it at Sarah and clicked the pistol, ready to fire the first pullet.

_What is your mission?_

_To protect John Conner and terminate any possible threats._

Instantly Sarah looked up, the expression on her face changed. Cameron recognized it the new expression. John had called it _shock._

Then her face changed again, the lines hardened. Her lips parted slightly and her eyes hardened and narrowed and she was on her feet. Her pupils widened and her breathing increased by 5.67 seconds.

"What are you doing?" Sarah hissed staring at Cameron. Cameron moved into the room, silently and deadly. Her eyes never moved from Sarah as she responded, "Exterminating any threats to John Conner."

"You put that gun down! I'm John's mother, I'm not a threat to him!" snapped Sarah.

Cameron stay still and silent, her pistol raised and ready. She stared at Sarah. She processed what Sarah was saying but it made no difference to her.

After a moment of complete silence from both woman and machine Cameron slowly lowered her gun, but raised her head higher. Sarah moved towards her, breathing heavily, and hissed through her teeth, "Get out!"

Cameron stood her ground for a moment before glancing towards John for another moment. His breathing pattern remained the same, he was still asleep. She looked at Sarah for a moment before cocking her head downwards slightly and slowly turned and walked from the room and rounded the doorframe and walked down the hallway.

But the mystery of Sarah Conner's expression was taken with Cameron. She followed the path down to the kitchen and scanned the room as she always did and was about to turn and leave but stopped. Frowning she leaned her back against the doorframe and stared at the wall in front of her.

She tried to bring Sarah's expression from her memory. She studied the look on the woman's face and tried to mimic the face expression but she couldn't. The image couldn't come from her memory card. She couldn't make the emotion and this sent a circuit shock through her system; that had never happened before, it felt her circuits were on fire and were burning. Her hands slowly balled into fists and she began to shake; her limbs begin to shake.

She didn't know what was happening. She couldn't process it; it wasn't in any of her files. Her CPU was in perfect condition; her scan could find no error in her system. Her functions were working perfectly, but she couldn't process what was happening to her.

As if a medal poll had been smacked against the back of her knees they collapsed from beneath her. Images that she couldn't remember storing began to flash through her alert mind.

_The sound of an engine whirled overhead, the bright light of its headlights moved over what was once a bank. Cameron stood in the middle of a circle of Terminator machines surrounding her and Prisoner 145RTB who was kneeling at her feet. She raised her pistol and pulled the trigger, the metal bullet shot through the human's fleshy forehead. _

"_You stupid bitch!" the resistance fighter spat a mouthful of blood in her face. Her records told her this human was Derek Reese. "As if Conner's going to believe you over me!" he screamed at her. Cameron instantly grabbed his throat and squeezed her fingers into the glands of his throat; the man began to choke for air._

_A soft tune played lightly through the air; Classical music. Music; it was the only thing that didn't give her instructions. Lightly touching the pole with her left hand Cameron stood in the ballet step of fifth position, raised her curved right arm, the palm of her hand facing the top of her head, the inside of her elbow facing her, her hand was soft and graceful. Titling her head to the right she bent her back backwards, her curved arm following the movement of her back. Her eyes met John Conner's who was sitting on one of high boxes watching her. He smiled at her._

_Screams of the humans running everywhere rang with the noise of gun shots and explosions. Cameron raised her gun and began to shoot into the runners as they tried to escape, the bullets from her gun plunging through their skin and into their organs. _

"Cameron!"

The screams were still all around her, she was caught between two worlds; the past and the future; they filled her sound system.

"Cameron stop screaming!"

It was the most human thing to do but she pushed her hands over her ears, the screams pierced her. A pair of hands seized her forearms and began to shake her. The screaming suddenly stopped.

As if something had rebooted her Cameron's visual monitor appeared. Her visual screening read that John Conner was kneeling in front of her; he gripped her arms and was staring at her with the same expression Sarah had worn when she had seen Cameron holding the gun at her. After processing his facial expression Cameron came to an analysis conclusion that John was extremely shocked.

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John shot up like a cork in his bed the sound that had awoken him was cutting through the air like a knife. High pitched screaming. He stumbled to get out of bed in the darkness and tangled in his sheets and fell hard out of bed, head first to the floor.

"Stay here John!"

"Mum?!"

"Stay here!"

Completely lost to what was happening John stumbled from the floor and reacted on impluse grabbed the handle of his draw and pulled it open. He grabbed a pistol gun and moved out his room following his mother; all the while the screams still filled the house.

He ran in the direction of the screams, the kitchen; his gun raised. Talk about chaos in the middle of the night! And where the hell was Cameron?! Just when he needed her she wasn't around. Rounding the corner, his gun ready to fire but froze at the sight.

He'd found Cameron; and the source of the screams. Cameron was on her knees in the doorway of the kitchen, her hands gripping the temples of her head, her eyes squeezed shut.

John instantly dropped his gun as Sarah skidded into the room, a 1200-meter sniper rifle in her hand and ready to fire at Cameron.

"Cameron!" John cried out

"John get out!" Sarah advanced towards Cameron but John got their first. He knew what his mother thought.

"John no!"

If something had happened to Cameron that had alerted her system and possibly what she knew as her mission she could be dangerous. But John didn't think about that at the moment. Cameron was screaming like she was actually in pain and it frightened John more then anything. The sound of her screams was like an ice cold knife cutting into his heart.

Discarding his gun and the possibility of danger he knelt in front of Cameron and grabbed her arms and shook her, "Cameron stop screaming!"

"John move away from her now!"

Cameron pushed her hands over her ears as if to block out John's voice. The she stopped so suddenly just as she had started. John's grip on her arms tightened as he stared at her, one half of him waited for her to break his body into two pieces and the other half waited for his mother to start firing. But nobody moved and Cameron sat there, the sudden silence rung loudly in John's ears.

John didn't know what his facial expression held but when Cameron raised her deep brown eyes and looked at him he wanted more then anything to hug her; to hold her and tell her everything would be alright as if she understood what it personally meant. If John didn't know better that she wasn't able to, he would have sworn she would start crying from the expression on her face.

"Cameron?" said John uneasily. He wanted her to say something or do something but she remained silent and simply stared at him with that blank unemotional look. He hesitated for a moment before raising a hand and placing it behind her head and he pulled her towards him placing the side of her face against his shoulder and putting his other arm around her shoulders. He was actually surprised she didn't try to fight him off and he was mostly glad for that because her head fitted against his shoulder perfectly as if she had been made from him, which hypothetically, she might have been.

John, suddenly remembering his mother's presence too late, raised his eyes to look at her. Sarah was standing where he had last seen her. She was staring at Cameron with an expression caught between disbelief, confusion and distrust. The rifle was still in her hands, her finger on the trigger, her knuckles and face bone white in the darkness.

**Please review! :)**


	3. Kyle's Letter

**Hi everyone! Wow, thank-you to everyone who reviewed chapter two! Well here is chapter three: its setting is between "The Demon's Hand" and "Vick's Chip." Hey quick question: in "Vick's Chip" when John and Cameron are talking in John's room and Cameron is painting her nails, why does John say to Cameron something like, "but I know that in the core of your chip you're exactly like him." Is it just me or is anyone else missing how that sentence fits in with that entire scene? **

The silence and tension in the kitchen was near explosive.

John glanced at Derek Reese as the man glared at Cameron while she looked out from behind the blinds in the kitchen. John opened the fridge as Derek's bitter expression deepened when Cameron turned away from the window and met his glare.

As John poured milk into his glass he watched as Derek and Cameron stared at each other. His green eyes flicked between his uncle and his machine protector. Derek's mouth and eyes were hard and still and Cameron wore her blank unemotional expression and either moved. John watched for the angry bang to occur.

As if her name had been called Cameron suddenly snapped her eye line to the doorway entering the living room and ignoring both Derek and John she walked silently from the room. Derek's bitter expression remained until he looked up at John who was watching his uncle as he took a drink from his glass.

"How can you stand that thing," Derek said through his teeth.

John put his glass down saying, "that thing's name is Cameron."

Derek gave a humorless laugh and shook his head in half disgust and half disbelief. John remembered clearly the lecture Derek had given him about Cameron when John had told him to stay out of his mother's room.

"Did she do something to you in future?" asked John. He knew the tension between Cameron and Derek ran deeper then any future-man and machine relationship, there was something personal in this hatred that Derek had towards Cameron.

Derek's lines on his face hardened and he remained silent. John waited but Derek said nothing.

"Let me guess," said John sarcastically, "Future-Me said not to tell Teenage-Me?"

"You have your reasons John," said Derek, his tone a bit less harsh then before. John sighed and placed his glass in the sink and grabbed his school bag from the counter. He called as he moved to the back door, "Cameron? You coming?"

As if by magic Cameron was suddenly at the doorway with her schoolbag over her shoulder. Derek's face darkened even further but Cameron didn't even look at him as she walked past John out the back door. John paused at for a moment before saying to Derek, "See you later."

"Make sure it doesn't kill anyone!" Derek called as John closed the door behind him. Cameron was waiting for him at the front gate of the house. John walked up to her and without saying a word Cameron walked down the street and as John had to hurry to fall into step with her he asked, "why are you so eager to get to school?"

Cameron turned her blank stare at him and paused before saying, "I'm not."

"You're walking very fast," said John. As if emphasizing a point Cameron slowed her steps down and walked slower then before. She looked at John expectably. John stared at her for a moment, her strange behavior nothing new to him but she was confusing him none-the-less.

"So," said John after a few moments of silence in such only the sound of John's footsteps could be heard against the pavement. Even though Cameron was wearing boots her steps were quiet and graceful.

"You wish to talk to me?" said Cameron turning her large brown eyes to him again. John looked at her too for a moment, paused before saying, "You still haven't told me about that alarm call in the middle of the night.

Cameron's dark hair ruffled slightly in the breeze, her brown eyes glowed and her lips parted slightly. John tore his gaze him hers; he didn't trust himself being that close to her and having the thoughts of how beautiful she was haunting his mind.

Cameron had been secretive about that midnight incident to both John and Sarah. No matter how much Sarah pushed and threatened, Cameron had only said she had a breakdown of her system and it had burnt her circuits causing her utter pain. John was thoroughly suspicious about Cameron's explanation (Sarah was utterly disbelieving of her, especially about her being in 'pain') but no matter how much Cameron was hard-pressed and in jeopardy she stuck to that same explanation.

"I have told you before," said Cameron, "there was a spark in my CPU that was interfered with my functions. I did not mean to scream; I apologies again for waking you, it won't happen again."

John held Cameron's gaze for a moment; her eyes were wide and innocent looking but there was no trace of a lie.

"Yeah whatever," muttered John lowering his gaze from her. Maybe she was telling the truth, maybe she wasn't; John might never know.

They continued to walk to school in silence. As they reached the busyness of the front of the school John spotted Cheri Weston walking the opposite way, she smiled at him in silent greeting. John slowly his walk down and watched her walk away over his shoulder.

Cameron stopped walking and watched John as he gazed at Cheri Weston's figure. She titled her head to the side. His expression made her curious; she had seen him wear that look before.

"You once looked at me like that," she said

John turned to look back at Cameron who was gazing at him. It was not her usual analysis look but a simple watching look. It made her look even more human then John could ever remember.

"What?"

"The way you watched her walk away," she said moving closer to him, "the expression on your face. You looked at me like that once when I touched your neck to get a reading of the rates of your body levels."

John stared at her, his feet rooted to the ground. She simply stared back, not looking the lest bit intimidated by there staring match. John watched as her eyes skimmed across his face. Maybe it was a trick of the light or maybe his imagination was in overdrive, but his stomach did a crazy flip when he _so sure_ he saw Cameron's eyes rest a second on his lips before moving them like lightened back to his eyes…

"Hey there!"

John jumped about a foot in the air and spun around to find Morris standing behind him. He was grinning widely and said, "Man did you try that engineering homework last night? It took me too bloody hours! And your looking very nice today Cameron."

Cameron turned her blank look to Morris before saying bluntly, "Thank-you."

"Yeah," said John making his voice less shaky as possible, "it was hard."

The bell cut off the rest of the small talk that Morris was starting and there was a sudden flurry by teenage students to get into the school hallways through the metal detectors.

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The room was quiet expect for the whispering of some students as the work was past around. John stared at the problem in front of him, _The chemicals of Fluoride and Carbon is mixed together to produce what?_

"Having trouble with that question too?" Cheri Weston's voice whispered in his ear. He looked up. She was watching him closely.

"Er, no, um, I'm alright," said John grinning a little, "I know this one but I just can't think of the answer."

Cheri smiled, "I hate it when that happens."

John gave a half-hearted smile and turned his head back down to his paper. He felt a heat rising in his cheeks still feeling Cheri's eyes on him. He hated it when people watched him like that; his mother, Cameron, now Derek.

"Hey," said Cheri suddenly, "what are you doing this Friday?"

"Friday?" said John looking up from his paper. He leaned back in his chair and shook his head slightly, "Nothing at the moment. Why?"

"How would you like to come with me somewhere?" asked Cheri leaning forward slightly towards him, a smile on her face, her eyes bright and blonde hair falling across her shoulders, "It'll be our secret."

John stared at her for a moment. Secrets; the one word that his mother did not allow in her vocabulary unless it was outside the circle of the present day resistance fighters. Sarah hated secrets, there were no secrets in her life and there should defiantly be none in her son's either. In her view secrets can lead to the creation of Skynet, every since detail must be seen and view with the utmost care. It was how she worked, how she had survived.

"Where are we going?" asked John

Cheri's smile widened as she turned back to the board, "you'll see on Friday if you come along."

John hesitated, "Look Cheri," she turned to face him again, "my mum, she's really, you know…nosy, she won't let me go out unless she knows where I'm going. Can't you tell me now?"

Cheri stared at him. There was something cold in her stare as she snapped, "Why? Need to bring your sister along too?"

"No, that's not it-" The bell out the rest of his sentence as Cheri was suddenly on her feet and stuffing her books into her bag.

"Fine John!" she growled, "if you don't want to go with me you can just say. Don't make up some bullshit about your mum!"

"No Cheri, just tell me where we-" but Cheri was walking away. John gave a sigh as he watched her go. Damn it! Why did he always stuff things up like that?! He sighed again in frustration and moved from the room, ignoring Cameron who was waiting at the door for him.

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John didn't feel like talking as he and Cameron headed home from school. He vaguely wondered if Cameron knew if he was upset; she probably would, he had snapped at her every question today and ignored some of her others even though she had repeated them to him at least four times over as if he had not heard.

At one point he had snapped at her to "Shut-up" and instantly regretted it when he saw something flash in her usually blank eyes. It was that same look when she had spoken about love a few weeks ago to him; the imaginary hurt that he had thought he'd seen. At that moment he had wanted to take her into his arms and hug her like he had done once before but she had turned away from him and took up an uncharacteristically enthusiastic conversation with Morris.

As he walked John watched as two small children ran across the green grass of their lawn. A man, most likely their father, started yelling at the pair while watering the hedges along the fence of the garden. Two women with dogs sat at a bench as John and Cameron walked by talking to each other about their business (the dogs barked like crazy when Cameron moved past). Every now and then a car would come past down the road. Up ahead an old woman with a shopping trolley waited at the traffic lights to safely cross.

John wondered if that old woman would be dead before Judgment Day arrived; he hoped for her sake she was. Would she be safely in her grave or would she in some career's home not understanding why a metal skeleton with glowing red eyes was shooting her to smithereens? And those two children; would they grow up in a world of blood, war and destruction? Would they become soldiers in the resistance? Or would they have their small bodies crushed beneath the rubble as the bombs and machines destroyed civilization? Or maybe they'd be burnt to caracole along with many millions of other nuclear holocaust victims?

No, John told himself firmly, no, they would stop Judgment Day again. The end of the world would never happen; they'd stop it. Him, Mom, Cameron, Derek; they'd stop it.

They had reached the house and Cameron moved inside not saying to word to John. John wanted to call out to her; say he was sorry, he hadn't meant to be so harsh to her; he'd never hurt her again.

"Hey," said Sarah as he entered the house, "Cameron is starting to act like the walking dead. What happened?"

"Nothing," said John avoiding his mother's gaze, "I think I upset her. Do we have anything to eat? I'm starving."

"In the fridge," said Sarah nodding towards the white cooler, "Did you manage to get anything else out of her about her little episode?"

"Nah," said John as he skimmed the contents of the fridge, "she's sticking to her story. Mom, I think she's telling the truth, perhaps we should believe her. She says it won't happen again."

Sarah didn't say anything and suddenly Cameron reappeared in the kitchen holding the house phone and said to John, "it's for you."

John looked at her. It was the first thing she had said to him in hours and he didn't want to blow it so he said as politely as possible, "Who is it?"

"Cheri Weston," said Cameron

John's expression turned to surprise as he glanced at the cordless phone in Cameron's hand. Should he talk to her? He hesitated before whispering, "I'm not here."

Cameron frowned and her brow creased in obvious confusion, "but you are here." She held the phone out more to him as if to emphasis the point. Sarah watched the scene half in amusement and half confusion.

"Who's Cheri Weston," Sarah asked titling her head to get a better look at John's face as he had hidden it slightly from his mother and avoided her gaze as he muttered hurriedly, "No one, just someone from school."

He looked up at Cameron who was staring at him in confusion, "She wants to speak to you."

"Tell her I'm not here and then hang up," said John. He didn't really have a particular desire to speak to Cheri, especially not with his ever-seeing mother and Cameron's hyper-hearing in the room.

Still not understanding John's hesitation Cameron put the phone back to her ear and spoke into the mouth piece, "John said he's not here. Goodbye."

Sarah snorted and John sighed in frustration and slammed the fridge shut (his apatite was no more) as Cameron clicked the phone off. Now she had done it! John shook his head and moved past Cameron, his annoyance with her suddenly flaring again. Cameron watched John walked angrily from the room.

She turned to Sarah, confusion on her face but her eyes were the same blank stare, "Did I do something wrong?"

Sarah returned Cameron's stare for a moment before saying harshly, "Your very existence is wrong."

Sarah then too left the kitchen leaving Cameron standing here alone, cordless phone still in her hand.

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It was dark outside and the only light in John's room was his desk lamp. John was ready to throw his school books out the window; set them on fire, anything, just as long as they didn't exist any longer. He picked up his chemistry book and gazed at it for a moment, the anger and annoyance at everyone pumping through him. He suddenly threw the text book with all his might across the room where it hit the wall with a loud thud.

God, he wanted to scream! But if he did he knew the house would be in chaos and that made the desire even more tempting! He ran his fingers through his hair and gripped the strands hard in frustration. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe and counted to ten in his mind. How he would give for one day that wouldn't involve something to do with the future or something to make him angry or upset or frustrated; one day!

There was a soft knock on the door. He ignored it. He didn't want to deal with anyone. There was a moment's pause before it was opened a little and a small strip of Cameron's face could be seen through it. He turned away from her; she was the last person he wanted to see.

The door opened wider and Cameron moved inside before shutting the door with a click. She leaned her back against the wood while staring at John the entire time. John glanced at her before shrugging his shoulders saying, "what?"

Cameron lowered her eyes to the chemistry book on the floor at her feet. She slowly scooped down and picked it up. She moved over to John, quiet and graceful, and put the book down on his desk in front of him. John raised his eyes to look at her and the breath was thrown from his lungs and caught in his throat. His heart gave a jump.

She was half hidden in shadow, but her white face seemed to glow in the dim light. Her dark hair and clothes blended her well in with the darkness around her. Her brown eyes were large and whole. She looked more then beautiful, there was no word in the dictionary, in any language, to describe her. To John the words beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, spectacular; they were unworthy to be placed with her.

How could anything so heavenly be so dangerous?

"Please don't be angry at me," she said. Their eyes met and John felt the tension and frustration in his mind begin to evaporate. How could he be so annoyed and angry at such a creature like her? She wasn't to blame for any anger he was feeling at the world.

Cameron reached down and pushed the hair from John's eyes and a jolt of something ran down his spine as her fingertips brushed his forehead.

The silence continued until Cameron let her hand drop and said, "You remind me of him."

"Who?" asked John, his voice was scratchy and low. He swallowed the lump in his throat as Cameron turned away from him and sat on his bed facing him.

"Kyle Reese," said Cameron. John's eyes widened in shock and surprise and his body froze. The warmth that had spread through him at seeing Cameron had disappeared slightly at her unexpected words. Cameron never ever spoke about his father; his mother and uncle hardly did and he had always presumed Cameron had never known his father.

"You knew him?" said John turning around fully in his seat to look at her in disbelief, "are you serious?!"

"Yes," said Cameron, "but only very briefly. Just before he was sent back to the past I met him," she suddenly smiled, "he's different then Derek Reese."

"Yeah?" said John, suddenly extremely interested

"Yeah," said Cameron, "he was kinder. You look like him; more then you do with Sarah. You have the same completion, same build, but his hair was lighter, more of a blonde shade. But you have the same eyes…"

She trailed off as she watched him as he smiled, "yeah…yeah my mum sometimes said that when I was younger."

"She's right," agreed Cameron, "the same shade of green," she cocked her head to the side, "the same kindness in them. You have the same smile too. Your eyes go brighter too when you smile; your emotions show in them."

John looked up at Cameron who was watching him as she continued, "He treated me differently; like another solider, like John Connor did. I could tell he saw beyond the metal and machine; just like you have."

Cameron's gaze moved from John's for a moment as she reached into her pocket and pulled something out. It was a slip of paper; it was old and a yellow colour as if a light coloured tea and been spilt on it. Cameron stood from John's bed and leaned forward and placed the folded paper onto his desk saying, "This is for you."

John watched as Cameron then walked across the room and opened the door as the hallway light spilt into the room and onto her. She looked back at John as she closed the door.

John turned his gaze to the slip of paper. He stared at it for a moment before curiously picking it up. It felt frail under his fingers and he carefully unpeeled the sides until it opened fully. He moved it over to the light of the lamp for a better look.

The paper was torn at the edges and the writing was in black ink; faded but still visible. John felt like he was holding a two thousand year document in his hands.

His eyes widened in shock as he read:

_Dear John, _

_The future is what we make it, never forget that. I was sent back in time to help mankind, to create you, my own son who is at least twenty years older then me. It sounds crazy I know, but Cameron promised she would give this to you way or another. Listen to me; my future, my life is dark and gone; we fight to survive but you, you have to fight for life, you fight for those who cannot fight and I'm telling you now John you have done a great job of it here. _

_But I know that is not what you want to hear; about the future and of my life. The John I know has explained everything to me, all he plans to do in the future to help insure your survival as a child. Listen to your mother, Cameron and to Derek and all the others that are sent back, they know how to help you; hope and love doesn't stop at one species, its nature for it to move into all. _

_I'm not destined to live John, understand that. But I created you with Sarah and I am about to cross all boundaries of logic and reason to do that. You have to keep fighting; fight like every day is your last day alive. If you can stop Judgment Day from ever occurring, try; try harder then you've ever tried before because you are fighting for something that is worth fighting for. Every day is a gift, everyone in your life means something special to you; don't wait to show them that. Life doesn't wait and either should you. Know that I am proud of you John, no matter what happens and even though I know you in another time you are still my son and I love you. _

_Your father, _

_Kyle Reese. _

John stared at the paper in front of him. He could feel the tears already being to form; his body was frozen in shock but he didn't move, he said nothing, he felt…everything; joy, sadness, pain; emotions of the human. He just stared at the fading black handwriting in front of him, the dim light from his desk lamp the only light source in the room.

**Finally finished! LOL, I just watched the episode where Cameron says to John, "I'm a bitch whore" and John's like, "did your new friend tell you that?" and Cameron goes, "no she cried." LOL!! Classic, you gotta love Cameron and her terminator ways! Lol! **

**Anyways, please, please review for me!! :) **


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